A Right Path to Your “Best” Self

2.  Do not expect too much for yourself

People are creatures who inevitably have high expectations of themselves. This is because we all love ourselves the most. However, expecting too much of oneself often has a negative effect.

Expecting too much of oneself is the greatest enemy of continuity. People who live with high expectations of themselves tend to blame themselves when things go wrong, like  "I'm not good enough." "Why did I do this?" They look to themselves as the cause of their failures and fall into self-denial. These feelings will keep you from the power of continuity.

However, keep in mind that the cause of your failure is not you, but your actions. And there must be "evidence" of your failure. Takumu Kanayama, an entrepreneur who runs three companies with total sales of four million dollars, said that the habit of finding "evidence" has made his path to success more reproducible.

For example, let's say you studied overnight, but the test did not go as well as you expected. It is not your fault because you studied overnight. In this case, the "evidence" is that the way you studied overnight made the test result worse. Thus, when something goes wrong, the cause should not be you, but the "evidence". Similarly, when something goes well, when you succeed, there is "evidence" of your success. You should also get into the habit of finding the "evidence" of your success.

If you don't have high expectations for yourself, you can forgive yourself and concentrate on finding the evidence. Not expecting too much of yourself is one of the most important changes in your mindset for gaining the ability of continuity.

3. Define your “best” self

The first step is to define your best self and set goals. Each person is born in a different place, speaks a different language, and has a different family environment. Therefore, the "best” self is unique to each person. To help you define your best self, there is a useful method called "SMART Goals" a method of setting and writing down goals based on five criteria, each of which supports the main outcome that you are trying to achieve. Cheryl Travers, a professor at the Loughborough University says in her journal, “the act of writing something down seems to make us accountable to a goal.” By setting and writing down your goals in a more specific way, this method visualizes them and thus increases your performance in achieving them. The five criteria are listed below.

• Specific - Be specific about what you want to accomplish. Four “w” questions, “what”, “where”, “which” and “why” will be good tools to think about your goal concretely. In the “what” phase, you will consider your goals and what you want to achieve in greater detail and specificity. You then will identify the best location and circumstance to achieve your goal in the “where” phase. In the next “which” phase, you will determine the obstacles and requirements associated with your goal. This question is useful in determining if your goal is realistic. Lastly, you will consider the reason you want to accomplish your goal in the “why” phase.

• Measurable - Create indicators that will allow you to determine if you have achieved your goals. This way, you will have a way to measure your progress and your goals will become more concrete. If the goal will take a long time to complete, think of specific tasks to accomplish and set intermediate goals.

• Achievable - Focus on how important a goal is to you and what you can do to make it attainable and may require developing new skills and changing attitudes. Your goal is meant to inspire motivation, not discouragement.

• Relevant - Note how important the goal is to you and what you can do to make it attainable; you may need to learn a new skill or change your attitude.

• Time-bound - Provide target dates for deliverables concretely. Ask yourself specific questions about the target deadline and what can be accomplished within that time frame. Presenting time constraints creates a sense of urgency.

4. Master your to-do list

Once the goal of the ideal self is determined, the method for becoming that self must be established. A To-do List is one of the most efficient methods that is especially powerful in achieving long-term goals. However, mastering it is not an easy task. Kelsey Alpaio of the Harvard Business Review says that no one to-do list method is better than another. The method that works for you depends on your personality, habits, and goals.

First, there is a to-do list method called "just a few things”.  This is for those who prefer to use paper rather than a computer and are new to to-do lists. This to-do list is to write down two or three tasks to be done in a day and accomplish them. It is suitable for beginners because it is not a large list, so it is not overwhelming but easy to accomplish the daily tasks.

Next, for those who want to create a structured to-do list using an application, I recommend "digital task managers”. This method allows you to create a to-do list with applications such as Todoist and The muse, so you can manage your list on your smartphone or laptop. It is also easy to look back and analyze the results of your accomplishment over a period of time.

The third method, "the master sheet," is a little more difficult, but once mastered, it will allow you to spend your day more productively. Make two separate to-do lists for the day, one for the morning and one for the evening, and write the time to do the task next to it.  This time constraint makes it easier to complete tasks. By writing check marks or lines on the accomplished list, a gaming effect can be achieved that increases the sense of accomplishment and self-affirmation. However, it also has the disadvantage that once a task is not accomplished, the motivation to complete it is lost, and the task is not done afterwards.

The fourth method is the "stuffed calendar" method for logical perfectionists who like to use a calendar to create a daily to-do list using a laptop or smartphone. This method, like the previous one, is time-sensitive, so it can be a very productive day if accomplished on time. And since it is a calendar, the advantage is that you can see your previous to-do list in one view. However, since it is not flexible, it is also a method that is not easily adaptable to sudden changes in your schedule.

I have introduced four to-do lists, but as I said at the beginning, the method that works best for you is different for everyone, so please try different methods and sometimes mix and match these methods to find the one that works best for you.

5. Live with routine

Creating your own routine is another good way to develop continuity, since it is one of the most effective ways to make things a habit. You make a tremendous number of decisions during a day, and the more they make decisions the more the efficiency of power of decision-making decreases. Routine execution allows you to accomplish tasks without using our limited decision-making power, because what is to be done is predetermined. According to an article written by Northwestern Medicine, you will get some health benefits from having a routine, such as relieving your stress, having better sleep, getting active and eating healthier. There are three tips for having routines successfully.

1. Create a morning and night routine

Morning and night are the preferred times to create routines. This is because people have time to prepare before going to bed and after waking up. Think of two or three tasks and execute them.

Suppose after getting up in the morning,

• Drink a glass of water.

• Meditate for 5 minutes. 　

• Eat breakfast.

Then execute them consciously for two weeks. According to the journal of National Library of Medicine, when you continue to do the same action for two months, you can perform the task without any decision-making process in between. But first, let us set a short time frame of two weeks to increase the success rate. Create two or three tasks for the night routine and consciously execute them for two weeks as well. When you get used to it, add more tasks.

2. Set priorities for each task

By setting priorities for tasks, you will be able to respond to unforeseen circumstances. For example, if you oversleep for 30 minutes and cannot perform your normal routine, you can smoothly carry out your routine if you set priorities within the tasks. Decide on one or two tasks that should be prioritized. 

3. Consider cases of failure

When things do not go according to the routine you have planned, you often get tired of it and want to give up. However, thinking about failure in advance will help you stay motivated. According to Michelle Jongeneils, Clinical Psychologist, if-then planning is to identify a situation that is related to the behavior you are trying to change, and to specify a response to overcome your usual habits in that situation.

For example,

• If I fail to follow a routine for three days, then on the fourth day I will try to follow it.

• If I get home late at night and the nightly routine is not going to matter, then I will finish one of the most prioritized routine tasks at night, go to bed, and perform tomorrow morning's routine as scheduled.

By thinking about this situation of failure and deciding what to do when it happens, it is not a failure, but a success that you were able to carry out the task of the if then plan.

Throughout this article I have explained the importance of continuity and how to develop it. Please keep these things in mind and try to implement those five tips. Small daily efforts will bring you closer to your “best” self. In the months and years to come, you will notice a significant change in yourself. I hope that you will gain the power of continuity and have a fulfilling college life!