Being Afraid to Open Up

In an interview with current sophomore at North Central College, Kendal Franklin, the high pressures, and stigmas of being a college student and how these may lead to embarrassment of being yourself were discussed. She recalls that at the school she went to before transferring to North Central College she experienced being on a team that would always put her down and make her feel that it was not okay to be herself. This made her afraid to open to who she really was. Franklin stated in the interview, “One time I even got bullied by a teammate for using an umbrella while raining.” Due to these high expectations being put on her for doing simple things like using an umbrella, gave her the fear and embarrassment of being herself which led to her wanting to transfer.

Does Embarrassment Affect Some More Than Others?

The effect of embarrassment can be stronger to female identifying people compared to male identifying people. In an article titled Embarrassment: A Form of Social Pain it is discussed how women may even avoid medical help due to some of the experiences that seem to be more embarrassing compared to men such as gynecological appointments. This uneven effect can also be seen in college students. In a study done by the Department of Psychology at Coastal Carolina University it was discovered that women in their study experienced embarrassment more than men and more strongly compared to men. In their study they took 234 college students and questioned them on embarrassing situations. From their studies, they found that women experienced more blushing, greater fear of interactions, and lower self-esteem compared to their male counterparts that took the same quiz. Although everyone copes with embarrassment differently, this study can show that female identifying people may cope with it more outwardly and have stronger feelings when experiencing embarrassment.

The Impact of Embarrassment

Even though everyone experiences embarrassment, it is still difficult to work past the feeling. Fear of embarrassment is very real, and it may take a lot of effort to work past it and become comfortable with it. In a study done on the impact of embarrassment it is stated that the fear of embarrassment is a “potent barrier to social action.” This means that the fear of being embarrassed can have more harm on social interactions compared to just doing the actual action itself.

In an interview with the Associate Director of Cardinal First at North Central College, Marissa Gaigalas, her personal struggles of embarrassment and being yourself in college were the key focus point. Gaigalas states that in college she feels she never had the opportunity to be her most authentic self and wishes she could have had that opportunity. In discussion about some of her peers who had joined campus organizations when she did not, she stated, “they had a place, and I didn’t, and I didn’t know I needed one.” Others had found their place where they felt they could be themselves, but she had not, and she did not know she even needed to have a space like that. In another interview with North Central College admissions counselor Arianna Jones, she says she felt lost and embarrassed when she was put on academic probation and had to make the decision not to go to med school. Her experiences with this situation made her feel small and like she could not be who she really wanted to be because she was embarrassed that she was unable to commit to what she had wanted to do.

Growing from the Embarrassment

Being authentically you may seem scary and may even increase the feeling of embarrassment, but there are also benefits. Being put through embarrassing situations can push you out of your comfort zone and can also help grow you as a person. In a study by Abigail Mengers at the University of Pennsylvania it is discussed how standing out can be construed as positive and authentic rather than negative and unusual. This was also discussed in my interview with Franklin, where she states that, “being yourself can attract the right people. If people do not like the real you, then they are not the people for you.” Surrounding yourself with the right people and friendships can be a key part in being successful in college. In a study of friendship networks by Sterling White , it is stated how those with close friendships tend to succeed more while in college because they have that network of support to back them up. They also state that, “Students’ social integration into colleges and universities will help their transition and retention through receiving emotional and informational support.” Without attracting the right people by being yourself, you could potentially be damaging your college career. In the PBS short series “Be Smart” they discuss why embarrassment can actually be good for you and has a purpose. It states that people who feel embarrassment can be benefitted socially because they partake in “pro social behaviors such as sharing and cooperating.” These skills can help you communicate better with social groups and strengthen relationships.

Tips for Growing Past Embarrassment

Even though it is easier said than done, it is possible to break past the fear of being yourself and being embarrassed. Of course, embarrassment is inevitable but becoming comfortable with the emotion is possible also. During the interviews it was asked from Gaigalas, Jones, and Franklin if they had any advice for college students now about how to overcome embarrassment and fear.

1.     “College is a time to work through the embarrassment and find who you are as a person.” -Marissa Gaigalas

During the interview with Marissa Gaigalas, she stated this, and it is very important to remember. It is okay to go through embarrassing things especially in college because it helps you find out who you are. She also discussed how you do not have to be so serious all the time and it is okay to laugh at yourself because it will help realize it is okay to make mistakes.

2.     “College and youth are wasted if you are not growing and learning.” – Ariana Jones

Ariana Jones during her interview focused most of the time on the topic of growth and how you can grow through embarrassment and finding yourself. She also stated that, “If you are not growing when you are young, it can hurt a lot more when you are older.” By this she meant that if you are not using this time in your life to discover yourself, be yourself, and make mistakes, the mistakes will be a lot more difficult the older you get.

3.     “You can miss out on a lot of opportunities if you cannot just be yourself.” – Kendal Franklin

If you find yourself struggling with the fear of being yourself and being embarrassed, these three tips are a good to remind yourself. You can also try some challenges for yourself to push you out of your comfort zone. For example, attend a new event alone, try saying hi to someone new every day, or ask someone from your class that you haven’t spoken to eat at the dining hall. These actions may help you grow and break past the fear of being embarrassed and help you find yourself by allowing new opportunities for friends.

Be Embarrassing!

In the grand scheme of life, no one is going to remember that time in class you got the answer wrong, the time you got rejected by your crush, or any other embarrassing moments you might have had. What is important is finding the confidence in yourself to be 100% you because you are awesome! Even in embarrassing moments, you are still crushing it. So, break the stigma and be okay with being embarrassing! You never know what you could learn from it or how you can grow.